Boots on Deck: First to Strike

A book i'm writing. Leave your comments and reviews!

Prolouge
http://www.fictionpress.com/s/2797238/1/

Chapter 1
http://www.fictionpress.com/s/2797238/2/Boots_on_Deck_First_to_Strike

Chapter 2
http://www.fictionpress.com/s/2797238/3/Boots_on_Deck_First_to_Strike

Chapter 3
http://www.fictionpress.com/s/2797238/4/Boots_on_Deck_First_to_Strike

Chapter 4
http://www.fictionpress.com/s/2797238/5/Boots_on_Deck_First_to_Strike

Chapter 5
http://www.fictionpress.com/s/2797238/6/Boots_on_Deck_First_to_Strike

Chapter 6
http://www.fictionpress.com/s/2797238/7/Boots_on_Deck_First_to_Strike

Chapter 7
http://www.fictionpress.com/s/2797238/8/Boots_on_Deck_First_to_Strike

It's good. However, in reference to your second chapter (after introduction), when a drill instructor gives an order he wants his recruits to shout "aye, sir" not "yes, sir." "Yes, sir" is only used in response to a question while "aye, sir" is the proper response to a command. I understand you showed that later on, but he would have nagged them for saying "yes, sir!" when they were to get off his bus. He would have said, "No, say aye sir!" and made them say it. Otherwise, looking alright. Although, I'd go with less of a gung-ho attitude and more with an accurate representation of a Marine's mentality. For instance, my Call of Duty story that is being written somewhat like a journal, chronicling one Marine's experiences during the MW2 timeline. I tried to keep a realistic representation of what he has to go through and how he, as a person, feels about it.

Otherwise your story is good and really motivating. Keep it up.

Michael Garber wrote:It's good. However, in reference to your second chapter (after introduction), when a drill instructor gives an order he wants his recruits to shout "aye, sir" not "yes, sir." "Yes, sir" is only used in response to a question while "aye, sir" is the proper response to a command. I understand you showed that later on, but he would have nagged them for saying "yes, sir!" when they were to get off his bus. He would have said, "No, say aye sir!" and made them say it. Otherwise, looking alright. Although, I'd go with less of a gung-ho attitude and more with an accurate representation of a Marine's mentality. For instance, my Call of Duty story that is being written somewhat like a journal, chronicling one Marine's experiences during the MW2 timeline. I tried to keep a realistic representation of what he has to go through and how he, as a person, feels about it.

Otherwise your story is good and really motivating. Keep it up.

I know the whole aye-aye sir thing.

Staff Sergeant Parker smirked. "My name is Staff Sergeant Parker. Now, get off MY BUS and onto MY yellow footprints!"

"YES SIR!"

that part right?

I just kept it "yes sir" because its a bit simpler. As for the gung-ho ness...i have yet to introduce the main character to combat. He'll have a lot more human emotion

Wow really good work Michael . To tell the truth the beginning was amazing, good detail, and perfect amount of realism. It made me want to read more... I also finished the other chapters... I THOUGHT THEY WERE EPIC! lol, can't wait for the rest man.

i'm working on chapter 5, but its been delayed due to Finals and AP testing that's going on for me

Man I can't wait for Chapter 5! XD

William Siegfried wrote:Man I can't wait for Chapter 5! XD

well wait no more!

http://www.fictionpress.com/s/2797238/6/Boots_on_Deck_First_to_Strike

chapter 6 is oscar mike

Chapter 6 is up!

http://www.fictionpress.com/s/2797238/7/Boots_on_Deck_First_to_Strike

nice man, really nice work. Now I have to wait again...

William Siegfried wrote:nice man, really nice work. Now I have to wait again...

haha yes you do. any comments or critiques?

chapter 7 is up.

http://www.fictionpress.com/s/2797238/8/Boots_on_Deck_First_to_Strike

CTRL + F; Kennedy

WOO HOO!

Joshua Kennedy wrote:CTRL + F; Kennedy

WOO HOO!

haha

nice Hobbar. Add my name! =D

Use William too lol, that is if you want lol.

I want a new chapter!

Adam L. Booke wrote:I want a new chapter!

when i have more free time!

any suggestions just post em and i'll try to put it in.